5 Surprising Truths About Happiness I Learned the Hard Way

Originally written in 2016 when I was 30, revisited and republished in 2025

From a young age, I was taught that the meaning of life was success—and success meant wealth. But as I grew older, traveled the world, overcame personal struggles, and gained life experience, I began to redefine the meaning of life for myself. I discovered that, for me, the true purpose of life is happiness—not as an end goal, but as a way of being.

So, how do we cultivate sustainable happiness?

Everyone has their own path, but through trial and reflection, I’ve found that happiness comes from within—regardless of circumstances. The external world is chaotic and often beyond our control, but our mindset is ours to shape. Here are five lessons I’ve learned—hard-earned and heartfelt—that continue to guide me today.

Portrait of a woman standing on the Cabo Girão skywalk, overlooking the cliffs and ocean in Madeira, Portugal — Taking it all in from one of Europe’s highest sea cliffs—Cabo Girão, where the view is as breathtaking as the journey to get here.

Portrait of a woman traveler with a local girl at Lake Titicaca, Peru, both smiling against a backdrop of traditional reed islands and water — Two worlds, one smile. A fleeting connection on Lake Titicaca that left a lasting impression.

1. Focus on What You Want—and Go After It

I’ve always been a results-oriented person, and that’s been a gift in shaping my happiness. I’m good at setting clear short-, medium-, and long-term goals—and planning them out (thank you, Excel spreadsheets!).
But here’s the insight: Achieving your goals can bring happiness—but so can managing your expectations. When you take calculated risks, understand the probability of failure, and mentally prepare for setbacks, you bounce back faster. The key is clarity—know what you want, pursue it with intention, and accept outcomes with grace.

2. Everything Has Two Sides—Focus on the Positive

We all know this logically: every situation has both light and dark. But emotionally, we’re hardwired to feel the negative more intensely. That’s why training yourself to shift focus to the positive is so powerful—and it takes practice.
Start by asking, “What could have been worse?” Then ask, “What do I still have to be grateful for?” Write down your answers if it helps. Over time, this practice rewires your perspective.
Traveling helped me see this more clearly. Visiting places like India and Egypt showed me how many people live without basic comforts. Perspective breeds gratitude, and gratitude fuels joy.

Portrait of a smiling woman in sunlight holding a camera, standing in the colorful streets of Hoi An, Vietnam — Golden hour in Hoi An—when the light is perfect, the heart is full, and every corner holds a story worth capturing.

Portrait of a woman surrounded by lush nature in Vale do Capão, Brazil, looking serene and connected to the landscape — In the heart of Chapada Diamantina, where the pace slows and the soul breathes deeper.

3. Love Yourself—Unconditionally

It sounds cliché, but it’s true: the only person who can love you unconditionally for life is yourself. Others may love you, but often it’s conditional—based on who you are to them or what you provide.
Self-love means accepting your flaws, supporting yourself through failures, and prioritizing what makes you truly happy. This isn’t selfish—it’s survival. It’s sanity. It’s the foundation of a joyful life.
Forgive yourself, believe in yourself, and stop outsourcing your worth to others.

4. When You’re Down, Inject Joy Immediately

Positivity takes effort, especially when negativity creeps in. When I feel down, I act fast—I sing, I travel, I buy myself something beautiful. It doesn’t have to be profound. Small actions can spark big shifts.
Whatever makes your soul smile, do it—immediately. Don’t let negativity linger. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. You deserve joy now.

Portrait of a woman in winter clothing standing in snowy Berlin, with bare tree branches and white snow creating a magical, fairy-tale backdrop — A still moment in snowy Berlin—where the city whispers and winter turns the ordinary into something enchanted.

Portrait of a woman at North Cape, Norway, bundled up against the cold with the Arctic Ocean and dramatic cliffs stretching behind her — North Cape, Norway—the wind was fierce, the cold biting, but the feeling? Absolutely infinite.

5. Live in the Now—Not in Regret or Fear

We often chase big dreams but forget to enjoy the process. While it’s important to be goal-oriented, don’t postpone happiness until you arrive at some imaginary finish line.
Celebrate small wins. Learn from missteps. And most importantly—be present. The past is over, and the future is uncertain. All we truly have is now.

Final Thoughts

Today, I’m a much happier person than I was when I first wrote this blog post at 30. These five lessons didn’t come from books or seminars—they came from life. And I’m still learning to apply them daily.
Writing this again, almost a decade later, reminds me that the pursuit of happiness isn’t a destination—it’s a way of traveling. I hope my reflections offer a spark of insight or inspiration for you too.
If they did, let me know in the comments. What are the life lessons that shaped your happiness?

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